Poem

Before you know  what kindness really is you must lose things,
Feel the future dissolve in a moment like salt in a weakened broth. What you
held in your hand what you counted and carefully saved, all this must go so you
know how desolate  the landscape can be between the regions of kindness. How you
ride the ride thinking the bus will never stop and the passengers eating maize
and chicken will stare out the window forever....

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness  you must travel where the
indian in a white pancho lies dead by the side of the road, you must see how
this could be you, how too, he  was someone
Who journeyed  through the night
With plans
And  the simple breathe that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness
As the deepest thing inside
You must know sorrow as the
Other deepest thing
You must wake up with sorrow
You must speak to it til your voice catches the thread of all sorrows
And you see the size of the cloth

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore
Only kindness that ties your shoes
And send you into the day
To mail the letters
And purchase bread
Only kindness that raises its head
From  the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for
And then goes with you everywhere like a shadow or a friend

-naoimi shihab nye

Bible Study

Acts Chapter 2

¹ And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.
² And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting.
³ And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them.
⁴ And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.
⁵ And there were dwelling at Jerusalem Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven.
⁶ Now when this was noised abroad, the multitude came together, and were confounded, because that every man heard them speak in his own language.
⁷ And they were all amazed and marvelled, saying one to another, Behold, are not all these which speak Galilaeans?
⁸ And how hear we every man in our own tongue, wherein we were born?
⁹ Parthians, and Medes, and Elamites, and the dwellers in Mesopotamia, and in Judaea, and Cappadocia, in Pontus, and Asia,
¹⁰ Phrygia, and Pamphylia, in Egypt, and in the parts of Libya about Cyrene, and strangers of Rome, Jews and proselytes,
¹¹ Cretes and Arabians, we do hear them speak in our tongues the wonderful works of God.
¹² And they were all amazed, and were in doubt, saying one to another, What meaneth this?


We all come from the same place, and sometimes we sound different. Can we have compassion to recognize this in eachother

Prayer

Light-  the candle
It opens my heart
As I prepare for sunrise
The eyes of jesus stare into mine
And I soften to the beauty of the mystery all around me, I breathe in this
softness and it fulls me with silence

I float away on the clouds of unknowing, held between time
that has its own path

Take me on your path
Lead me on your way
I am but a vessel for goodness
Fill me with light so I can be your city set on a hill....
Your lamp that can not be hidden
Your heaven on earth

Thy will, let me be baptized  with and share that healing power within me with
all you touch thru me

Prayer

Dear god,
Thank you for all the hard work you remind me it takes to keep the gifts we are
bestowed

And as I silence to the beauty of this new  day, in good health, surrounded by
the gift of you working through me

Remind me to to grateful and give today to all those who don't have a home today
to fix, remind me who we keep warm and warm my heart into you......

I am

kmg

Sadness plays its notes , fills the   room in concerto of quiet acceptance and 
rains on  compassion into the well of
Everlasting waters......

kmg

Sadness plays its notes , fills the   room in concerto of quiet acceptance and 
rains on  compassion into the well of
Everlasting waters......

poem by kmg

My existence  is more than this moment,

 and its nothing in time

My tears are so full they draw from the very bottom 

of where they are created 
and cause an emptying so vast nothing

 but myself 

can fill it,

 and who am I, 
surely more than I do,

 or see or know, 

I float away on the seconds of eternity,

 seen only to myself, fingers, touch 
,distance evades me, silence, screams,

 not close enough to catch what lowliness 
my lips taste. 

prayer

I light a candle and I pray
Oh lord be with me today

In love let me shine ur light
Let me carry pain and help
Your children fight

Ill praise you in every room
Oh let ur holy spirit loom

And my children, lead the way
In strength  guide them thru this day.

Oh lord for this I pray to you.......

prayer

I light a candle and I pray
Oh lord be with me today

In love let me shine ur light
Let me carry pain and help
Your children fight

Ill praise you in every room
Oh let ur holy spirit loom

And my children, lead the way
In strength  guide them thru this day.

Oh lord for this I pray to you.......

poem rilke

"I have faith in all that is not yet spoken.

I want to set free my most holy feelings

What no one has dared to long for
Will spring through me spontaneously....."

poem

Matches and lighters are harder to find now, so I settle into the light in my 
heart as I stare at the unlit candles and think not to be cling to objects or 
idols or ways to pray , as prayer is within

Oh lord, come to my assistance , as I close my eyes and breathe in lavender and 
love

I breathe out  color and blow it out onto the remants of snow..
Coloring my world with rainbows of love !

Color urs with all it can be !

poem

To be human  is to know urself to be living and dying at the same time, living 
somewhere in the intersection of time and eternity
-SK

Poem

"The shape of what is open inside you 
Trembles on invisible strings
Presses with fingers of sound
Into the soft clay of me....
-KR

Prose

I wonder if its all just a remembering, a knowing that there is a taste in the 
soup, and we know it, and we just need to keep eating the  soup til we figure it 
out, 
If we keep actually eating the soup......

so we put the soup in out eating role and slow it down to the millisecond.

Then there is the yearning to know or is it the humble that u can't know, not 
worthy of such , just don't have the information for this taste, and just in 
acknowledging such you birth this duality ? You can't know....

The sunrise, the light, the duality of the time in complete  stillness couples 
with the light, is this an opening to the exchange of light in a way that the 
knowing resembles that you can feel ?

Two death- for 1 min and de fibbed back to life, they all speak of the light,the 
tunnel of silence
And this.......

They speak with such peace, that in the release of fear of the intimate not 
knowing in death, they have a living in peace ?

energy

Someone once  said to me in India, something like washing my mouth with water , 
a water bottle slashing it about and spitting out, to cleanse between chaplain 
sessions , energy....


A phyche- medium said to wash my whole arms with water before each visit to 
protect what people want to take up...and back of neck once a week with sea 
salts....

- energy is alive, matter , and I'm receiving a lot in  the giving ...

They both eluded that there are some people who don't receive any fresh alive 
energy and they try to receive  it from others, 

Just saying that there are a lot of forms people can take energy, some imparting 
negative ness  or insanity is  another way  taking  of energy how ?

Maybe its when u allow another to get into your space enough that u bump out 
some of your energy to hold their stuff..

-when ur energy is solid, u have enough room to hold their stuff along with your 
stuff and its transforming  ..reflecting better their stuff and not just taken 
it fully in , in exchange

I believe this is now I will do this work forever !

-kmg 




Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Bible study

Bible study 

I did a beautiful job of connecting the story of the brothers of zebudi , when 
their mom asked Jesus if her sons can sit on his right and left side in heaven 
and they answer they are willing to drink the cup, and Jesus says u will drink 
the cup, but its is not given to me, but my father in heaven...
Where to place you....

I will drink the god and sit on the right hand of heaven, and  u will drink the 
cup and  you will be sons of my father in heaven,..I am son and come as 
servant.... therefore  let him who is  first be last,  let you be servant to me 
in all my forms, let your cross bare  relieving these suffering, love each-other, 
heal each other - I will not be with  you for much longer, I will be forsakken to 
bare  your sins..thy will,

Now I tie  it further into 

(Mat 26ish)

"My yoke  is easy and my burden is light, come you laiden, let me give you rest,

"Luke 16ish)

"Drink my blood and eat my flesh and you shall  be in me as I am in you"  
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Prepare

And I just got this  raising myself blog into a book in hardcopy . My poems 
collected together from 2009-2014

I will prepare to print a picture of me with each child on the empty fore pages 
of the book from me and child each year together 2009-2014 and prepare six books 
and work on writing letters to each child and creating a smaller new treasure 
box for each child, something that would fill me when  I would face death, , 
while I was living,  with a certain peace of offering and completeness and in 
this preparation I prepare for my own death in a beautiful way that releases 
fear !

my paper on suffering

I am far from all knowing and I seem to enjoy humbling to this...

I also enjoy knowing that I can not be all things and in MY pastoral formation 
includes what I have to offer, and if its not all about medical condition, and 
it needs to be, then maybe the hospital isn't the place for me....cause I'm not 
a docter of medical condition, I can offer compassion, I can offer the story to 
be heard, maybe so more could evolve, but I want to be a vessel of love and 
light and healing....maybe thats what I need to be because I can't heal my relationships fullmy with my husband?

Touching Love

Its in Jesus, Buddha, Rama Krishna, ra god, the sha israel,
Adoinai egha,

I want to touch that its a belief that this love that completes me is more than 
my senses and my mind can know, and yet. On this worldly plane, we live with 
senses and mind so, lord have mercy, that I humble to humanity and need guidance 
, let me listen in the dark, silence, let me hear light.........

For my desire is such to share that light with the world.......

prose

And the warm air of the morning gives dimension to the snow, as you see how the
wind froths the top and keeps it changing.....

quit smoking

I lean over my sneakers and I feel the effects of acupuncture, moving energy 
anew, I feel the 10 linnes horse wraps, soaked in the essensial oils to absorb 
and pull out of the skin, and the cold morning breathe, I feel about 30 years 
old today .....and yet at 30 I wasn't so settled inside as I am now, how I can 
look at timelessness as the day on the bike in the desert....and its so 
beautiful, its so full of grace that it keeps my eyes soft and almost at tear 
drop to feel so into the godness and love of god in this world.....

what ?

What really 'happens' to us
But only
What has long been our own

Thinking of all the concepts I have thought of and had to rethink since my 
beginnings, when will I learn what we call fate comes not from outside us, but 
from within, 

Just as for so long we were mistaken about the movement of the sun, can I not 
believe about what lies ahead of us in time, is beyond what todays minds can 
think, a system meta to it ?

Arizona

The desert, with its mirage of color all the  same, and rich green , juicy , 
cactus, which stand more forbidding than the darkest of forests with a 
trail....so I proceed ever so gently into the path, which might just be some 
openness amongst the rocks, 

The wind blows, and I can not harness its place and I can not sit if I find it, 
so I go for a hike !!!

Padmasambhava

When you look upward into the space of the sky outside yourself,

If there are no thoughts occurring that are emanations being projected,

And when you look inward at your own mind inside yourself,

If there exists no projectionist who projects thoughts by thinking them,

Then your own subtle mind will become lucidly clear without anything
being projected.

Since the Clear Light of your intrinsic awareness is empty, you can fill it with 
god or god can find a place to fill it, as he so wants to....

And this is like the sun rising in a cloudless illuminated sky.

Even though (this light cannot be said) to possess a particular shape
or form, nevertheless, it can be fully known.


Padmasambhava

On suffering

On suffering........

As I contemplate  this paper, I seek to create a thesis  statement that somehow 
can include my theories , theological beliefs as well as how they draw from my 
personal sufferings...

And yet my personal sufferings, the grand old childhood tales of woe, misfortune  
and loss, the ones I have that can top any of the best of them, and yet somehow 
they are soft now in forgiveness, and the parts of my being that draw me to the 
offerings I so receive in, share both the tint of forgiveness  and the soft 
glows of grace all around them and therefore loose their shock value and need to 
share them as sufferings ..

And yet to proclaim suffering as grace might seem profound....
Is it only when we look back upon the sufferings we can find their grace ? For I 
won't wish my childhood on anyone, but there it is, in all its forms, and here I 
am, stronger in my faith and love of god for all he has given to me, in my many 
blessings and gifts. 

And what are those blessings and gifts, an open heart, an open heart to children 
, so I create six, an open heart to humanities sufferings ?

If u are able to see someone elses beauty, you have to be able to acknowlege 
your own beauty..
In a similar way if you are going to be available to someones elses suffering, 
you have to be able to acknowledge ur own suffering and be ablle to understand 
the nature of suffering in such a way that u have converted the quality of 
suffering in yourself.

In this sense, I can not know the sufferings of cancer, or preminent illness 
upon one, but can get into the ocean of space around the illness to hop into the 
boat of pain ans suffering,

Per jeff , the russian philosopher quotes;

There is nothing that can be obtained  spiritually in life, without suffering in 
life, 
But at the same time if you are going  to proceed on the journey u must 
sacrifice suffering...

The dual nature is that you have to have suffered, cause suffering is what burns 
through you, deepens the compassion, opens the door, brings you closer to the 
mystery, 
And at the same moment is u hold on to the suffering, wallow in it, cluing to 
it, it stops the journey.

And we don't invite suffering into our lives, but when it comes , you work with 
it.....






And
Pain falls drop by drop upon the heat

On  theoligical study, does a christian contemplate if christ suffered on the 
cross , to gave forsaken his life, drank the cup of his father, to forgive sins 
of the human condition which can be healed in christ and receiving him to fill 
this wounded part of a human being, to heal the heart to open to love ?

The snow covers the deck and the vision of the buildings afar....I linger just a 
bit, silence is so full of everything, including grateful for this day, for 
supporting my little girl as she will be woken now in all her excitment to 
travel with her class for a week long trip away !

I release story, in all the blessings and gifts that are bestowed everyday in my 
life, the joys and love are more than the story.....

'If you love only those who love you, what reward have you ? "

The candle flickers and dances for the sunrise, though it can not be seem , its 
in my heart !

Appreciation fills my heart, gratitude expands the space and makes room for 
clean fresh breathe.....as their is a knowing, that this time is a gift, and the 
means to be in this place, also a gift....

and while there is some suffering, it is nothing compared to that of others who 
awake this morning.... I can hear the words of Christ ever so strong, filling my 
whole being, they come with the sunrise across the Arizona desert sky, they come 
horizontally as hoes of the orange light and vertically crossed by the sun, 
ENTER BY THE NARROW GATE,
For wide is the gate that leads to destruction and difficult is the way that 
leads to life

sacrifice, discipline are still mine today, "free will" is upon me....

I receive your prayers from friends, kinda, (smile), and I take up my cross , in 
this day, in every day, to balances the sufferings , recognize the paradoxes of 
life, the shadows that come with manifestation,

I offer prayers to all those in the patient rooms today, who wake up in their 
journey, I cross myself with the trinity to the holy spirit within me, we have 
touched so many together,comfort those in need who call out to you and who do 
not, , through you, today, oh lord, and in these prayers for their healing, in 
the love of all humanity, your creations, all sentient beings, may I find your 
strength and healing and breathe, the breathe of life everlasting. Through clean 
lungs and a healthy heart,

Amen !

Prayer

TODAY I look around me and love god in all his 
creation on earth, the desert, the treasury of the snow, the blue caves and 
waters and land that no one knows it rains on, 

I love to travel and feel the love of all this beauty, reflect back in the more 
I notice, the more silent and one I am with the natures around me !

Aging, a beautiful awakening that gifts what has been here all the time !