"""How easily the words are gifted and yet their action requires discipline which isn't a strength from the heart... I am not sure somehow I send the message to my kids 'ur not good enough" and I wonder if thats the message I grew up hearing so subliminally it's the one I parent in... but in that perspective it's easier for teenagers to 'zone out' where they can waste many hours of time being 'successful' behind a game that's meant to booster and engage them instead of personal contact- where they need to be seen and self judge the already predisposition they enter the situations with. "Am I enough". The long game would be that the message they take intro the world is to prove that they are--- and I pray they also soften to be loved thought it all... that's the work of parenting teenagers today for me. Recognizing, respecting, reconciling, and unconditionally loving...it all-- """

And she writes of her grief experience and I share it here:::

In my gried, ....

The world falls silently to their knees.

“Grief…” she begins, then continues.

“Grief hits you in the heart as hard as love. A real love, a love that shows up and grabs your entire spirit and drags you over mountains and rivers into the abyss of time. Grief numbs you. It makes you wish you were not alive.

It will make you—for the first time in your life—look forward to the day you die, so you may hold hands—that are not ice cold and unmoving—with the man you love.

Grief leaves you lying on the ground all night. It steps over your pathetic body and tells you that this will last for all of time.

It will sit watching you as you wail, while a new crack in your heart breaks. It will be lying beside you when you wake up in the morning and for a second, forget that he is dead.

And then you do remember and you stare bleakly out the window, angry at the sunshine and bitter at the rain.

Grief is a labyrinth, a puzzle you cannot solve, a dream you cannot awaken from.

Grief tears your power from under your nose and leaves you lifeless and alone. It leaves you sitting at one in morning with a reel of memories. Grief is salty tears that may never stop falling.

When you don’t cry you will look up and hope no one’s watching.

Some days, you will resent the lack of tears; you will look into a mirror and see swollen eyes from a night of screaming and crying and see the death in your own body.

When we grieve, we are dying.

People occupy part of our souls, our hearts and our spirits. When they die, part of us dies with it.

Grief will disassociate you, make you stare at the outside world, as if you’re in a box.

With a puzzled face, you will look out at the people grocery shopping, laughing, arguing, loving and doing these things with complete disconnection.

For what?

Why?

Grief will tear away the moments of normality that creep in.

It will guilt you for the joy and the laughs that feel like china breaking as they exit your heart.

“Joy, that’s what you are,” your heart will whisper.

Grief weakens, softens and strengthens us.

It reminds us to touch this fragile world with our whole hearts.

It reminds us to live, after we have died a little first.”

The morning sunrise washing everything from me and and I begin anew. Even when I don't look at the sunrise but I wake with the love of the fresh new day in my heart it's the same. It's all love and out of the head of story---

I implore u to share the depths of the love you want to receive in giving- for I hear the beauty of ur words coupled with an unknowing---- what can we know but what our intentions build as bridges with bricks of prayers and hope... and even too that can be exploded in an instant with sickness or tragedy... be the love you so desire and one day u will find urself warmed in the coat of its making.... -k

And a woman spoke, saying, Tell us of Pain.
And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen,
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears

When I stare at the sunrise there is a blinding oh how beautiful to have the light follow me into all I see, it blinds everything and anything with this light which Is grafted onto my sight and within that light and this blinding I can see what I am not given to see and it's all beauty‎, blessed be this day- and all who share this prayer of this morning.

John 20

‎ "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.

"

And I think of the chef who attends to his cutting board of vegetables and speaks of the soup u will taste. Can u believe there will be soup coming to feed you.... and so it is with the world.

Can u not hear the birds....i can't see then but they sing the song of praise, the morning of glory which will soon unfold, and we not know where the‎ sunrise just shined it's light, on another part of the world, but it is soon coming to break fast of the night, and can we not believe in such a light and what will it break light on, the mountains, the trees, the soul within all beings, feeding spirit of gods creation. Oh and the rains.... they fall on those who can feel them and on the lands where no one can attest to

Matthew 5 He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.‎

Oh lord my savior, my God, I close my eyes to know u, I close my mind to hear u I open my senses to feel you and I empty to be filled by you, let the light of this day be you in me where you are. Always... 

Amen

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love.”
  Galatians 5:22

Prayer
  Father, there is a good reason that love is at the top of the list of the fruit of the Spirit.  Because when our love is right, everything else has the greatest potential to fall into place.  Help us to get caught up in Your love for us.  The more we know You and Your love for us, the more that love begins to fill our being until we become like You.  Amen